Atypical love and sex

 Interviewer: A cis
respondents: Pinellia
not properly before graduation I talked about love, then I Nannvzhishi relatively slow, but on the other hand, I was a trust intuition, listen to the heart and physical needs of women.
my first time to the half-strangers, I was 22. eve of graduation, I find someone to rent a partner, he, small summer, to appear. he did sell, know how to compare closer relationships between people, anyway, see after, I changed the attitude of looking for girls shared and agreed with him to find room to live. the beginning is not bad, he came home from work to cook so I came back to eat, but To tell the truth, that would be I did not feel for him, I was out and the students finished, go back and look at his table dishes I made, I am also very innocently said, you did not say eat my cooking. That I would be naive, child temper large. Sometimes I cook, he does not wash I am also very unhappy.
San Huofan graduation when eating, a guy I have sought, while the liquor courage, and said to go my sit, I did not think to take him back. before a small summer sent a message that I brought a student to go home and asked him to come back later. I thought that my students catch up, but he suddenly began to kiss me, I can not refuse that kind of environment, so we kissed caressed, but did not go to bed. Just then, a small summer suddenly returned, and also knocking on my door and ask me how I did not voice, is not an accident, and tried to opened the door. I firmly keeping guard at the door and said nothing. Later that summer is deliberately small, and he looked at me downstairs and students on the floor. but I do not love both of them that would, I did Everything To compensate for the young miss of regret, but now want to come, I too do not know man, do not understand human nature was too.
scared my classmates, I am very surprised and boys shared, I said it is sharing only, I think things clear as I was in the heart. The next day I explained to the small summer night, and I said, the university students, San Huofan, would like to express about love, nothing. small summer just laugh, do not speak, he compared I was four, a lot of social experience to be rich. He said he waited two hours in the downstairs, and I think he is deliberately up mischief, and he certainly do not think such a simple lyric. this thing, the relationship between me and a small summer as before well, then we invariably morning to evening, for not encounter each other.
One night, we rarely sympathetic watch television. small summer took a bottle of wine, a cup of a cup of our dry, a small bet that I drink, but in summer him, I said hard to say. later on drink, and certainly is a small summer deliberately drunk to me, but I'm not drunk, my head lying on the table, holding my head and took a small summer for a long time, trying to wake up I shoot, and then could not help but began to kiss me, I just installed drunk. Then he put me to bed, I know what will happen, but I'm curious nature, a 22-year-old virgin would very much like to know what sex is, so I continue to install drunk, acquiesced in everything he did.
first time I felt very general, I had little taste. The next day he went to work, I have to buy the medicine to take. the evening he came back to ask how I feel. I said, uncomfortable, He said he would not buy medicine to eat, I said no, I had eaten, and said something: , the relationship between me and a small summer is complex, not a one-night stand that simple. small summer is probably full of contradictions, all 80 of my practice, he probably I do not understand that his attitude toward this conflict to some extent also hurt I, therefore, I use words to build a wall between us.
then, I did not want to see the little summer, is unwilling to face the things between us, I do not know how to explain myself, I voluntarily , but this and my understanding of the feelings of a distance, I think sex is wonderful, the fact that they did. I ran out of the small difference between the field and came back and spare, do not talk and small in summer, when we between the atmosphere is very embarrassing. One day a small summer that he find another house to move out. I sigh. he was gone, I deleted his phone number, do not contact.
then I switch to change jobs, more and more busy. also had never met the people I like, the middle boys chasing me, I think the old one was, did not officially talked about love, but also wrong, there is a tie not a tie on about a week, eat out rice or something, but it does not feel like eating the same task. Now think about it, though I am 80, but in sex and love, the thought is very traditional, I think love is to marriage, marriage is to find the right conditions , so I will force myself to people and do not feel love. In fact, flying a little longer if the youth, can be more to enjoy love, and not to consider marriage, I will be more enjoyable.
first night I gave a hidden feelings, from this perspective, I think my feelings are like small summer, but I do not fit into the small summer marriage, it has always refused to have a clear relationship and feelings in exile soon after the completion of the cut off relations. I think I am pretty hard on myself, very powerful reason, and later experience has repeatedly proved this point.
the years passed, I met the most important in my life man, this time my emotional over the rational . He is my fellow, 10 years older than me, divorced. At first I totally did not expect what will happen, he is actually very straightforward to express my appreciation, I laughed. but the advantages of getting his contact clear: He is very intelligent and very hard to do what he can do best, working more than ten years and to be more than a week to read two scholarly journals used to ensure that knowledge is not backward; his life is a regular night 10 sleep since 6:30 am, get up after watching CNN news, avoid deserted English; Although he is a single man, but love clean and neat, the room is always clean, wash clothes handy. It is these advantages to attract love on him.
some extent, I think both men and women should love good people than themselves. I learned a lot from him, so far I think of him getting up late, wasting time guilty. I am a child, do not take care of household operation since been to his house, I will understand, can not let a man live so neat to my pig nest and busy with work, is not an excuse, I can than he is busy? he can get clean Why can not I? Since then, I demand of myself no matter how busy around the house also clean and tidy, ready to hospitality. So, this feeling gives me a lot of pain, let me rapidly growing .
problem between us is that he asked his ex-wife remarried, and always take a child to hold him. He was very hurt child, the child feel sorry for divorce. Of course, according to my observation, his ex-wife is not Enduanyijue, he and his wife have a good strong a young man was estimated to be tip-to-head, refused to give, so they divorced some of the ingredients fit of anger. He has been swinging between the ex-wife and I, his parents gave him a lot of pressure, I hope he can see the child face remarried. I not much to say on this issue, just quietly observing his attitude, silently crying, I think I speak for, I was at a moral disadvantage, must he feel, and I will be more happy, not me pestering him I was elected, we will be happy. He is always rocking, and more often tend to his ex-wife, after we broke up an argument. Before I left, I love since we gave him my diary, which records After all the exchanges know him. He gave me a day reading the phone, I did not pick this moment, my reason prevailed, and no matter the result, love Ends, not nostalgia. I told themselves.
I quit my job, for a cell phone, went to Singapore, I would like to forget everything and start again. but fate has not ended. After a night in March, I start from the 10 sleepless nights, crazy miss him and never had this feeling, I'm afraid to disturb roommate, went to the quarters of the ground wrapped in blankets and sat weeping, crying the whole night, to the days when getting blue, I wonder how am far no tears. I use a new phone number sent him a text message, and only two words, I usually call him by his name. After twenty minutes, he returned to the phone, asked me where I said that I have not in place, I left. He said, I travel in Singapore, last night's. that moment, I dizzy, can this world really telepathic? We distances between 10 km from the great lakes to become.
him down phone came to me, I went to the school gate waiting for him. far to see him off, telling me with open arms, but only a moment to put down. I know he and I do not want to reveal subtle, like the passive, I stretch out my open arms, as he opened the geese once again, flying toward me. This action left in my mind very good hunch, I know our feelings if I am not an effort, probably he will not take the initiative to the. He hugged me, and I hold him, as it regained the world's most precious treasure, the kind of the feeling of fate, the kind of reluctant to let go of the feeling, this life I will never forget.
dream did not thought, goodbye in the thousands of miles away, he and I back to the hotel, this evening we merged. He has repeatedly asked that before, I feel he did not make a choice, I do not want to have sex is not paid to the feelings identified, though I am not at the child, but I still cherish my body. This is my second time, there was still general, but higher than the first time with a small summer better than that. from the meeting that moment, I decided to return home, I To go back, I want to be with him. But after returning to the previous conflicts did not change, he still swings between me and the ex-wife, I could feel his contradictions, he will go where my plan, until the planning days, he had become increasingly hesitant, but finally can not take place.
sex between us is not too frequent, are busy, meet with a low frequency, each meeting there, he also try to make me happy. about After the ten times I slowly got the feeling, and older than I, a conservative than I am, I began to want new things, he is not able to accept. because of the reasons for feeling nervous, I was not very relaxed in bed, I think he is, This time, not the physical pleasure of, but we still recognized each other's closest people.
emotional time and again he hesitated, repeated hurt me, I would not cry, do my best in every respect care for him love him. I told myself: you can not control the outcome, but the feelings you do this, and pay, but also learned from him good things, this feeling even if not in vain. This is what I mental construction, and later put down to help me and give up his attachment.
and a year later, a second night on the phone when we talked a lot, I say you aged older than me, emotional experience than me We are in unequal from the start position, you start to know that such feelings would hurt me, you told me really good, but you should not have let me struggling in the emotional swirl. He was silent for a moment after said he could not accept my criticism that he is seriously from the beginning, he never meant to hurt me. I cry I said, I am older than you are old, you should be able to think. crying in the end, I tired, he said he would hang up, I say you hang it. At that moment, I mind clear, that both good and bad are hung up. the older year-old man, he not love me, there is not enough play.
After that in January he did nearly every other call me, I did not answer, send text messages that busy, something you messages. He did not return. From that moment I decided to work on his attitude, there would said that no words are free. I no longer require their own escape, I fear, can not do like last time, tossing his white. may be really down, and from that day onwards, I never take the initiative to give him a call or SMS, his birthday, I sent a text message: as always, happy birthday.
really put him down, I quickly accepted and relationships. His name Xiaoqiu. tell the truth, not much appeal to me Xiaoqiu place but I am all alone, need someone by your side. Soon, two in March it did not, I tired of Xiaoqiu. I do not know the man is not also have ambition, I have all the performance Xiaoqiu ignored him, and very aware happy, but that I intended to leave, he was trying to retain me, he cook for me, rushed to the place where I travel with me, but I do not like him, and he further efforts could not change anything. was to completely sub- , he'd all of the capital the most powerful men, but women are emotional animals, and he then deliberately to please me, when I have no feelings, I still do not want to accept his sexuality, rather lonely and do not.
Beyond I have been not rest again. a meeting, I am more experienced and inviting Xiaodong. He was born good graduate schools in the top 500 enterprises. I prefer men never change, I like smart and diligent a sensibility of men, Xiaodong is such a person, he wrote two books for three years, work is absolutely key; he likes Japanese literature, like the floral dress I wear small, he said, like the fallen flowers. I Xiaodong have experienced unforgettable feelings are not easy to promise to pay is not the time easily. and Xiaodong is remote, and he has applied for a U.S. school, a visit is two years, Xiaodong good family, his mother is a large state-owned enterprises The manager, on his demanding, and I was born normal, these obstacles are unknown.
Xiaodong often at night and I phone chat, chat very happy. He came to see me about a month later, we went around Two days later the town, holding hands, walking in the river, it is easy, as paradise. I Ching Chu Xiaodong much of my feelings about life to the point where not, and I know a great sense of professionalism Xiaodong, his limitless future, he needs a better woman than I companionship. We drink together at night, between men and women of the old routine, this time I no longer need to drink to cover. Xiaodong enjoyed young fit body. Later, we met a few times in succession, on a few back to bed, I like Xiaodong, but I no longer have the courage to strive for a relationship, Xiaodong my favor, not to far to the point where my future .
the middle there are two men, a 20-year-old than me, it is color, 50-year-old man is hungry, eager to seize the tail of the kind of youthful color, but he also considered the nature excellent, years ago, graduated from North In addition, like the English and the British said, will write poetry, not only could write in Chinese, but also to write in English. I asked him to help me transfer the work, he said, like me, and I want to go to bed. I said, I want to change work, but do not want to take the body change, you let me love you, I would on. He was decadent.
there is a married man, and very good, is mild-mannered fellow, do not know when we know he is a large company CEOs, and his mother travel to my hometown, emergent acute disease, he gave me, I worked overnight in the past to help find a doctor, hospital delivery and so on, this thing is he really like me, and confessed to understand and When I buy a house in Cary to I played 20 million, said by me first use the money to say. I hesitated for two days, went back, and I think having these 20 million, even if the qualitative relationship between us , I'm not suited to this lovers. At this time we have not go to bed, but sometimes flirting, he will give me what the point of dirty joke. Later I went to his town on business, went to bed. he in bed is very tough, But I still tense, not suited to such a relationship, not just fine. He will give me some distress, I would talk to him, but I will not go to his trip told him the city, met to have to go to bed, I have to avoid it. Although I like his temperament, but his poor body, thinking a chat on the line, do not need to go to bed, bed to find a young body good, such as Xiaodong.
wrote this will I'm tired, Pearl of the middle are there? can not remember, anyway, I think I was a sexually open, but not casual, although men slept 5,6, went to bed but have feelings of emotionally more introverted conservative. I love the view and is very independent, and all obey the call of the heart, enjoy the moment, do not ask the results. If we say that what I have learned, that is, before the age of 25 should go by feel to love Do not want a love marriage, love to love, not love to be separated. Also, the university before the age of 25 can also be sexual, but to protect yourself, not get sick, the second can not have children, and love as Several more exchanges before we know what style you like. For example I do not like tough, violent hh
PS: a smooth second half of the publication. those who do not want to Speaking of sex and love, afraid to turn around the situation and the crime is going through the grievances and conflicts, hh the more heavy the more alternative, the more welcome. text along the Syrian-based form of the line drawing, not a large section of poems and comments, informative, emotional real, not less than 7000 words. a smooth finishing in modified form after the article published intention to provide the story, please send my work